Anguilla writer: wasted my life?
How much time have I wastedBeing ...: wasted my life? How much time have I wasted Being Afraid? Afraid of people And to go out Confidence so low That without a doubt...
Tuesday, April 01, 2014
Thursday, December 08, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
I have registered with freelancer.com today. I have written a wee bit about myself and bid on some writing jobs. Wish me luck. I would love to have a go, writing for someone far away. Most of my work is with clients of Vine99 or a an associate. Interesting learning about different rates of pay, and expected time scales too. Great fun!
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Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Trying to illiminate the fear of the faster pace of the mornings.
Do you think like me? Do you wake in the morning with a sigh of gratitude of aliveness? Or do you whimper at the thought of the 'to do list'?
If you know me in any little way, you will know I tend to lean to the latter, in general.
In fact, it all starts the night before. After several hours of piece, and slowness, we all know that in a blink of an eye, and an itch and a fidget, it will be time to leap out of bed, bang your head, stub your toe, and embark on the mountain of things that were meant to be done yesterday, but might get done today, but will probably be still there tomorrow stuff!
I used to think it was wisdom that made my dad go to bed early, because he was far too exciting to sleep. But I am in my 30's now and have decided that wisdom is never going to catch up with me. I still stay up too late, indulging my senses with various visual Valium and energetic beverages.
Life is too short for sleep - we all know that. But like chocolate makes you fat, being awake makes you tired.
No matter how many years of experience pass me by, I still struggle with them both.
If you enjoy reading over tired grouchy fat birds moaning, then read on, otherwise take a leaf out of my dads tree, and go to bed.
Unless you are reading this in the social hours of the local peoples awakening: in that case get on with the things you were meant to be doing the day before yesterday, and stop eating chocolate!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
About Me
I wrote this as a description about myself here for Blogger back in 2008. Thought it was interesting to see how I saw things back then, and obviously needed a rethink!
Well I really don't know how to explain myself. Its hard to see who you are. I am many things fantastic, loving, caring, funny, friendly , mad silly, stupid, crazy, boring, tired, fun, loud, giggly, daft, grouchy, miserable, sad, lonely, fed up and sometimes all of them. It depends what day you ask who I am. I am a Mum of two who are both still toddlers so that says more than descriptive words ever can.I am pregnant again and due 22nd Jan 09! So bumpy and hormonal ;) I love being a Mum more than anything in the world and I don't take the job lightly. I have a twin sister who is a massive part of me and a family to wish for. I'm neither rich nor particularly poor and regard my fortune as an image of the people I love. I like to take chances and risks and jump into life with my heart not my head and will never say no to an invite to a banging party! Well, secretly I would never say no as the kids come first. I love my fiance with all my heart and only look forward to wrinkles with him holding my hand. I love languages, art, theories and debates. Spontaneous stuff gets me going every time, and would love to free fall from somewhere really high.
Well I really don't know how to explain myself. Its hard to see who you are. I am many things fantastic, loving, caring, funny, friendly , mad silly, stupid, crazy, boring, tired, fun, loud, giggly, daft, grouchy, miserable, sad, lonely, fed up and sometimes all of them. It depends what day you ask who I am. I am a Mum of two who are both still toddlers so that says more than descriptive words ever can.I am pregnant again and due 22nd Jan 09! So bumpy and hormonal ;) I love being a Mum more than anything in the world and I don't take the job lightly. I have a twin sister who is a massive part of me and a family to wish for. I'm neither rich nor particularly poor and regard my fortune as an image of the people I love. I like to take chances and risks and jump into life with my heart not my head and will never say no to an invite to a banging party! Well, secretly I would never say no as the kids come first. I love my fiance with all my heart and only look forward to wrinkles with him holding my hand. I love languages, art, theories and debates. Spontaneous stuff gets me going every time, and would love to free fall from somewhere really high.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Monday, November 17, 2008
Two toes
I woke up with toes
prodding in my back
the blond hair wiggled
& cuddled me
Mummy I love you too
the hair said
the cot made a noise
murmurings and mutterings
and the sun shone
My baby appeared with all the beauty of the morning
she peered above the bumper and emitted rays of delight
I waddled over to her & brought her into bed
with darling blond bump and me
the sun shone brightly on us
& urged me to begin the day
we had a final morning hug
& went downstairs to breakfast
My mind keeps wondering to and forth
about my bump being so big
& the baby sitting on my pelvis
a constant reminder always with me
It seems it’s not long to go now
& can be counted by weeks
gone are the days of months
of initial shock and gossip
& my Angels faces’ looked up at me
the time I know will pass so quickly
I stared thoughtfully into my rationed coffee
& joined my babies in their morning feast
as the days and the months roll on
& the fear and excitement
alternate rhythmically daily
by the hour and the minute
This pregnancy seems to drag
whenever will the baby come?
But now it’s getting closer
& my mind is racing
& my heart is beating
I ignored the daily routine
Just this once
On this Monday day
I chose to make a day for me
My angel faces bump and me
Because soon there will be a knock at the door
& our paradise for three
Will inevitably be a home for all us four
And of course there will be room for just one more.
I woke up with toes
prodding in my back
the blond hair wiggled
& cuddled me
Mummy I love you too
the hair said
the cot made a noise
murmurings and mutterings
and the sun shone
My baby appeared with all the beauty of the morning
she peered above the bumper and emitted rays of delight
I waddled over to her & brought her into bed
with darling blond bump and me
the sun shone brightly on us
& urged me to begin the day
we had a final morning hug
& went downstairs to breakfast
My mind keeps wondering to and forth
about my bump being so big
& the baby sitting on my pelvis
a constant reminder always with me
It seems it’s not long to go now
& can be counted by weeks
gone are the days of months
of initial shock and gossip
& my Angels faces’ looked up at me
the time I know will pass so quickly
I stared thoughtfully into my rationed coffee
& joined my babies in their morning feast
as the days and the months roll on
& the fear and excitement
alternate rhythmically daily
by the hour and the minute
This pregnancy seems to drag
whenever will the baby come?
But now it’s getting closer
& my mind is racing
& my heart is beating
I ignored the daily routine
Just this once
On this Monday day
I chose to make a day for me
My angel faces bump and me
Because soon there will be a knock at the door
& our paradise for three
Will inevitably be a home for all us four
And of course there will be room for just one more.
Here I am all bumpy again.
I'm now 30 weeks pregnant - due 22nd Jan o9!
Its a Monday afternoon and the kids are eating ice-cream.
I have started a couple of writing courses in uni - lifelong distance/evening classes.
I would like to share with you some of the things that I have been doing
this is called
Small toes
I have small toes in my back. My hip propping pillow has disappeared and is replaced by a blonde haired little boy. Murmurings from the cot are stirring my dreams.
Small fingers are prizing my eyes open “Mummy I love you too” the blonde hair says an inch from my nose. The murmuring pops her head up from above the cot and all the beauty of the morning is beaming from her smile.
I hobble to my feet and bring her into bed with Armand, the blonde hair, bump and me.
I love those morning moments of cuddles and play before the day must begin.
I have a positive feeling for this Monday morning, usually so not the case. I usually feel‘heaviness’ on a Monday – entirely from association from previous unhappy jobs and social conditioning. But I have shaken that learnt behaviour today.
There is some sun touching the bedclothes which encourages me to get up.
Two enthusiastic and bright soles race to the kitchen and eat their breakfast while I drink my coffee and contemplate the day.
The kitchen is tidy and so is the rest of the house within reason due to a concerted effort over the last two days. This leaves me feeling odd. I have been so preoccupied with arranging my environment accordingly I have forgotten what else needs to be done.
A Sudden opening appears as the clouds speed past and the suns’ rays engulf me.
May I use some time today to indulge myself? Can I push those strong desires for order and clarity to the back of my mind to allow other stuff to permeate? Can I do it?
“Drink Mummy? Pizzy dwink?”
A chair moves to the counter and the juice walks away with a beaker. I intervene and make a flat juice.
Radio 4 is my best friend. Tracey Chapman is on woman’s hour this morning. I gave birth to my daughter listening to Tracy Chapman. I wonder what music to listen to this time. Wow thirty weeks I’ll be on Thursday, that’s ten weeks left, only ten. Probably less more like eight I think. Armand was 39 weeks and Freda-rose came at 37 weeks, so if this one comes at 37 weeks that’s only seven weeks left.
My hips feel good today. Think a good night sleep helped ease them. I will rest them today. I was hurting yesterday so I’ll relax and do some nice stuff for me. Some ‘me’ time if the kids are good. I’ll treat them later but I want some time for me on this wonderful Monday.
I won’t see anyone during the day. No expected visits or appointments, and very unlikely to receive any unexpected visits in my rural village. Bliss. I love it. Just us. No prying eyes or judgmental faces.
I am going to remain in my PJ’s and stay comfortable. No trousers today to battle with, just cotton.
Maybe I should invent cotton days, like duvet days, but you still go to work and get on with it, but in your PJ’s. Or maybe that’s already been done? A PJ party. I’m sureit has. Well I’m having a cotton day today, and can get away with it as I don’t have to leave the house.
Lunch time comes and goes. A cheese pie and a pot noodle. I hated pot noodles until recently. Must be the baby.
The phone rings. My special Mum informs me that Monday has been typical for her; in that it is the day her boss has given her notice about her sickness review. How spiteful some bosses can be. It is all listed and mum tells me all the hours and reasons for the last two years alone. It’s so unfair, unjust and unreasonable. Our conversation progresses into a two way chat about how we all differ in temperament.
“Tell him you’re only sick due to the exposure to society.”
Customer care is part of Mums job. Mum laughs. It is mums lunch break, so I respond on hoof and deduce that her sickness, all but one, is airborne, influenza and viruses.
My advice to her is to tell her boss “The only way to address this is to avoid all contact with customers, invest in a large screen and talk via telephone thereby reducing contact with viruses which overrun the office and her body.”
“The other sickness regarding toothache is accountable and a simple solution is a wage increase or company healthcare to help pay for dentistry.”
I hope this feeble suggestion helps ease mum’s lunch break.
Laugh in the face of danger.
I'm now 30 weeks pregnant - due 22nd Jan o9!
Its a Monday afternoon and the kids are eating ice-cream.
I have started a couple of writing courses in uni - lifelong distance/evening classes.
I would like to share with you some of the things that I have been doing
this is called
Small toes
I have small toes in my back. My hip propping pillow has disappeared and is replaced by a blonde haired little boy. Murmurings from the cot are stirring my dreams.
Small fingers are prizing my eyes open “Mummy I love you too” the blonde hair says an inch from my nose. The murmuring pops her head up from above the cot and all the beauty of the morning is beaming from her smile.
I hobble to my feet and bring her into bed with Armand, the blonde hair, bump and me.
I love those morning moments of cuddles and play before the day must begin.
I have a positive feeling for this Monday morning, usually so not the case. I usually feel‘heaviness’ on a Monday – entirely from association from previous unhappy jobs and social conditioning. But I have shaken that learnt behaviour today.
There is some sun touching the bedclothes which encourages me to get up.
Two enthusiastic and bright soles race to the kitchen and eat their breakfast while I drink my coffee and contemplate the day.
The kitchen is tidy and so is the rest of the house within reason due to a concerted effort over the last two days. This leaves me feeling odd. I have been so preoccupied with arranging my environment accordingly I have forgotten what else needs to be done.
A Sudden opening appears as the clouds speed past and the suns’ rays engulf me.
May I use some time today to indulge myself? Can I push those strong desires for order and clarity to the back of my mind to allow other stuff to permeate? Can I do it?
“Drink Mummy? Pizzy dwink?”
A chair moves to the counter and the juice walks away with a beaker. I intervene and make a flat juice.
Radio 4 is my best friend. Tracey Chapman is on woman’s hour this morning. I gave birth to my daughter listening to Tracy Chapman. I wonder what music to listen to this time. Wow thirty weeks I’ll be on Thursday, that’s ten weeks left, only ten. Probably less more like eight I think. Armand was 39 weeks and Freda-rose came at 37 weeks, so if this one comes at 37 weeks that’s only seven weeks left.
My hips feel good today. Think a good night sleep helped ease them. I will rest them today. I was hurting yesterday so I’ll relax and do some nice stuff for me. Some ‘me’ time if the kids are good. I’ll treat them later but I want some time for me on this wonderful Monday.
I won’t see anyone during the day. No expected visits or appointments, and very unlikely to receive any unexpected visits in my rural village. Bliss. I love it. Just us. No prying eyes or judgmental faces.
I am going to remain in my PJ’s and stay comfortable. No trousers today to battle with, just cotton.
Maybe I should invent cotton days, like duvet days, but you still go to work and get on with it, but in your PJ’s. Or maybe that’s already been done? A PJ party. I’m sureit has. Well I’m having a cotton day today, and can get away with it as I don’t have to leave the house.
Lunch time comes and goes. A cheese pie and a pot noodle. I hated pot noodles until recently. Must be the baby.
The phone rings. My special Mum informs me that Monday has been typical for her; in that it is the day her boss has given her notice about her sickness review. How spiteful some bosses can be. It is all listed and mum tells me all the hours and reasons for the last two years alone. It’s so unfair, unjust and unreasonable. Our conversation progresses into a two way chat about how we all differ in temperament.
“Tell him you’re only sick due to the exposure to society.”
Customer care is part of Mums job. Mum laughs. It is mums lunch break, so I respond on hoof and deduce that her sickness, all but one, is airborne, influenza and viruses.
My advice to her is to tell her boss “The only way to address this is to avoid all contact with customers, invest in a large screen and talk via telephone thereby reducing contact with viruses which overrun the office and her body.”
“The other sickness regarding toothache is accountable and a simple solution is a wage increase or company healthcare to help pay for dentistry.”
I hope this feeble suggestion helps ease mum’s lunch break.
Laugh in the face of danger.
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